Funny Wedding Poems
Here are just a few of my favourite funny poems that have featured in wedding ceremonies I have officiated over the years. Don't see your favourite? Let me know, I'm always on the lookout for more fun verses.
He Never Leaves the Seat Up
He never leaves the seat up
Or wet towels upon the floor
The toothpaste has the lid on
And he always shuts the door!
She’s very clean and tidy
Though she may sometimes delude
Leave your things out at your peril
In a second they’ll have moved!
He romances her and dines her
Home-cooked dinners and the like
He even knows her favourite food
And spoils her day and night!
She’s thoughtful when he looks at her
A smile upon his face
Will he look that good in 40 years
When his dentures aren’t in place?!
He says he loves her figure
And her mental prowess too
But when gravity takes her over
Will she charm with her IQ?
She says she loves his kindness
And his patience is a must
And of course, she thinks he’s handsome
Which in her eyes is a plus!
They’re both not wholly perfect
But who are we to judge
He can be pig-headed
Whereas she won’t even budge!
All that said and done
They love the time they spend together
And I hope as I’m sure you do
That this fine day will last forever.
He’ll be more than just her husband
He’ll also be her friend
And she’ll be more than just his wife
She'll be his soul mate – till the end.
The Giraffe & The Monkey by Daniel Thompson
Wherever we go
Whatever we do
Whenever there’s me
I hope that there’s you.
Now Money is funny, it can make people odd.
You forget to be happy, and you live for your job
And fashion, is a passion, beset with a flaw
You can dress to excess, but you’ll always need more.
And a muscle toned body, may sound like a dream
But no body is better, than chocolate ice cream.
What I’m trying to say, is that happiness grows
Not through your wages, or body or clothes.
But in laughter and love, and in sharing your life.
In the arms of another as husband and wife.
So when you find someone who’s weird just like you
Who laughs when you’re stupid and who makes you laugh too.
When you sit on the sofa, not hiding your flaws.
As imperfectly perfect, as the hand that holds yours.
When the fortune of kings, or purse of a beggar.
Won’t change how it feels, just being together.
When a cuddle and cuppa is all that you need….
Well then…
you’ve found something quite special indeed.
Wherever we go
Whatever we do
Whenever there’s me
I hope that there’s you.
Will You Still Love Me When I'm Old?
Will you still love me when I’m old
When I dress in pleats and tweed
I go to the shops and fill our house
With things we do not need
Will you still love me when it’s cold
And I wear big fluffy hats
When I buy you vests to keep in the warmth
And our house just smells of cats
Will you still love me when I’m wrinkly
When my looks are no longer good
And I wear big pants to keep things in
And more make up than I should
Will you still love me when I’m cranky
And I moan all of the time
when I place red cones in our car parking space
to show everyone its mine
Will you still love me when I’m nosy
And I stand in the window all day
To watch the neighbours coming and going
And I know everyone by name
Will you still love me when I love you
And our bodies have fell apart
You may not have muscles or bladder control
But you will always have my heart.
I Wanna Be Yours
I wanna be your vacuum cleaner
breathing in your dust
I wanna be your Ford Cortina
I will never rust
If you like your coffee hot
let me be your coffee pot
You call the shots
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your raincoat
for those frequent rainy days
I wanna be your dreamboat
when you want to sail away
Let me be your teddy bear
take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours
I wanna be your electric meter
I will not run out
I wanna be the electric heater
you’ll get cold without
I wanna be your setting lotion
hold your hair in deep devotion
Deep as the deep Atlantic ocean
that’s how deep is my devotion
I'll Still Be Loving You By C. David Hay
When your hair has turned to winter
And your teeth are in a plate
When your getter up & go
Has gone to stop and wait
I’ll still be loving you.
When your attributes have shifted
Beyond the bounds of grace
I’ll count your many blessings
Not the wrinkles in your face
I’ll still be loving you.
When the crackle in your voice
Matches that within your knee
And the times are getting frequent
That you don’t remember me
I’ll still be loving you.
Growing old is not a sin
It’s something we all do
I hope you’ll always understand
I’ll still be loving you.